Merry Christmas 2016! I’m rolling my own eyes at my own self as I recall saying on LAST YEAR’S Christmas card that I would soon recover from my blog writing hiatus and actually share some of our lives with you dear ones that have so graciously held us in your thoughts and prayers as we set sail on our adoption journey and who have loved and nurtured us as a family of six. When I wrote those words, I thought surely it would serve as an accountability of sorts that would force me to get back to it. I have thought of that commitment monthly, if not weekly for the past year….”haunted by” would be more accurate, if not a bit dramatic. I’ve started writing multiple times and wrestled with SO MANY thoughts and words and feelings which inevitably left me overwhelmed each and every time. I feel such a responsibility for the words I put out here. Writing about our adoption process and the makings of our little tribe started as truly a cathartic process for me….a process where I could just put pen to paper and hash it out. I think as the journey continued and more of our broken pieces became exposed, I began to struggle with what to say and how to say it…or maybe how to tiptoe around it…how to balance protecting myself and my people with being real and honest. I’m not typically one to sugar coat things, but I somehow convinced myself that the message needed to be all rainbows and unicorns and sunny skies and smiling kids–“Isn’t adoption GREAT?!?” which felt horribly inauthentic on most days, downright ludicrous on others. My remaining alternative as I viewed it was to talk about the struggle and mess and dark places that feel shameful and sad and vulnerable. It’s hard enough to write that stuff down, much less think that anyone would be interested in reading it. So I’ve stayed silent. Don’t get me wrong—we have NO REGRETS. Adoption is to me, by far the most beautiful and humanized example of God’s redemptive love. And I have to tell you, as I’ve wrestled with this strange dichotomy, the words and conviction that keep coming back to me over and over….in my quietest moments of reflection….in raging tears….in the sweetest snuggles…..in desperate prayers…..in honest conversation with dear and trusted friends is this:
BE A TRUTH TELLER…tell the TRUTH.
And so I tell myself this today as I turn my face toward this new path. I will tell you our stories and I pray my words will be real, truthful, and most of all shine a light on my Savior….His redemptive work and His glory. This is the gift He has entrusted me with and I will not squander it.
Merry Christmas to you and yours and Cheers and Joy to the New Year ahead!